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Reverb15: Through the Doorway

Look at me behind on prompts again. Life got in the way, so I won’t apologize for it — I skipped a few prompts that didn’t really speak to me, and picked it up at this prompt, which still puts me a day behind but oh well. We’ll see where I’m at by the time it’s all over.

Haven’t you ever been caught in a moment, a magnetic swirl of a moment, when you knew – just knew – that something magical was taking place? You might feel as if a portal into Something has opened at your heart to release a sort of energy into your own private universe, telling you, “Remember your magic…”

Think of three important portal points – one in the past, the present, and one you hope to have in the future – and join them together into one powerful and personal gateway into 2015. Where will walking through this gateway lead you in this upcoming new year?

So much of this year, for me, has been wrapped up in the past and in the future. I have spent far too much time yearning for what was yet to come, and what had already happened. I put off making decisions, purchases, plans, because of what I expected and hoped my life would look like, and instead of properly dealing with and coping with events of the past, I tried to shoulder past them in a race to get to that promised wonderful future.

I know that that does not address the question at hand, but it seemed important to note, in a question dealing with the past, present, and future. My past portal points, this year, have transported me into short-lived, unexpected, even challenging situations. I have felt my magic, yes, and then I have felt it being pulled away. That sounds depressing, I know.

The present? Well, here I am, in the here-and-now, realizing what I have been doing wrong all year. I remarked to friends, today, actually, that 2015 feels like a bit of a lost year to me. It’s the Year That Wasn’t. So many dates and milestones that do not look like I imagined they would, and in the meantime, I wasted all my days counting down to the things that didn’t happen. At present, I am learning what a big mistake that was, and I am imploring myself to live the life I have instead of the life I am dreaming of. I mean, go ahead and dream, but don’t shortchange your present in hopes for a future that may or may not come, right?

In that regard, thinking of a future portal point seems almost dangerous. I hate to pin my hopes on anything, now. And when I imagine a point in the future when I will feel magic, I also imagine the fear and anxiety of never actually reaching that point.

And in that vein, I was flipping through radio stations earlier today and heard a song I haven’t heard in quite some time, that never spoke to me before that moment —

If you’re lost and alone / or you’re sinking like a stone / carry on.
May your past be the sound / of your feet upon the ground / carry on.

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The visual of literally walking away from one’s hardships — the past being laid out behind you as you walk forward — it gave me chills. So my gateway, then… I am finally, finally willing to walk through the door to the next year without knowing what it holds, and in full acceptance of the fact that there is little I can do to direct what happens next. I will arm myself with the tools I think can help me, but aside from that, all I can do is move forward and leave what’s done, done. It takes bravery, I think, to open yourself up to the world and what it holds, but the key is in carrying on, no matter what may lay ahead.

Reverb BB

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