Navigating Winter Worry

Last night we had a frost warning in effect, and based on our indoor/outdoor thermometer’s stored readings, that warning was needed. I picked all of the largest, green tomatoes off of the plants yesterday, snagged our tiny crop of mini bell peppers, and waved goodbye to everything else on my way back inside. Matt went out before bed and brought in all of the container plants, then covered up my cucumbers with a sheet. Winter is coming.

Fall doesn’t seem to last long, here, which is a shame because it used to be my favourite season. Back to school! Tights and boots! Apple cider! I’m stuck in this sad grownup mindset where now, when I think fall, my brain starts churning in an unpleasant way — Need firewood. Snowblower. Winter tires. Must clean chimney. The baby doesn’t have boots this year. Does last year’s snowsuit fit? We don’t have a roof rake. All of the gardens need to be winterized. So on and so forth. There is no time for tights and boots and apple cider because one minute I’m looking out the door realizing the temperature hasn’t cracked double digits and then all of a sudden it’s a snowpocalypse.

Aside from the month or so left until we really need to be fully winterized, I am going back to work at the end of October. I need to set up M’s trial day at daycare and I feel really anxious about that whole transition in general. I need to think about pumping and how much milk to send, and figuring out our cloth diaper + daycare system, and how we’re going to make it all work as a one-vehicle family. I have a driving test scheduled for October (yes, I am in my mid-twenties and have yet to complete my license, but the government forced my hand this time so I have to test out) and I know how to drive, I’ve been doing it for ages, but I’m tumbling down the rabbit hole in which I fail and can’t drive and have to be chauffeured around. I wake up every morning and think about parallel parking and feel vaguely ill. I’m trying to keep up with housework and getting out of the house and hobbies but I feel uninspired to do things like blogging and laundry when my brain is like HIBERNATE OR RUN AWAY.

I’m exaggerating, of course. But I do feel this sense of foreboding doom and dread. Not all the time, but it’s creeping in, in the quiet moments. I’m trying to remind myself to be present and live now because worrying won’t get me anywhere. We have made some headway on our Giant List of Winter Things. There are benefits to me going back to work and M being in daycare. I have a month to practice all of the fiddly bits of driving so that I will pass. If I don’t pass I will be able to try again before my license expires.

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Mostly, I’m just telling myself to breathe. It’s something that requires a reminder, sometimes.

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Comments

  1. Vanessa says:

    Re: the cloth diapers. We have 2 wet bags. 1 goes to daycare and the other stays home. I send 5 diapers for a full day at daycare and usually my son only uses 4 of them. There is also a disposable in the diaper bag just in case. I put diaper liners in the diapers before I pack them. This makes clean up a breeze for the care provider (and ensures that the diapers aren’t too messy when I bring them home- especially when we forget to bring the wetbag home at the end of the day and it sits at daycare for an extra day).
    The kelly mom site has a ton of great info and this calculator helped me figure out how many oz to put in the bottles. http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/milkcalc/

    Good luck w/ the transition to daycare! It is so hard, but my son is happy at drop-off & pick-up which helps my mommy guilt tremendously. He really enjoys his time there with the other kids.

    1. Shayla says:

      Thank you!! I’m trying to decide if I should pump or just transition her to cows milk during the day. She’ll be 11 months old then so maybe it’s too early? Just one of those confusing things.

  2. Catherine says:

    You definitely have a lot on your plate this fall! I think we sort of feel the same way about summer coming as we worry how hot it will be. It’s not exactly the same, but sort of. And I hope the transition to daycare goes well. Since having kids, I’ve begun to think that other countries have it right and moms and babies really benefit from some time apart. The U.S. seems so behind in that way of thinking.

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