This poor kid already has a bit of second-child syndrome — I wrote something every single week when I was pregnant with M, but with this guy, last week and suddenly realized I had hit 28 weeks. While that first trimester crawled slowly by, inch by inch of anxiety, the second trimester whooshed past me like the rest of summer did, and here I am with under three months to go.
At 28 weeks and a bit, I’m mostly feeling okay. Tired is my usual answer when people ask, and truthfully, I cannot believe how cumbersome my body feels already. I don’t know if I’m actually carrying larger than I did with M, or if it just feels like it, but bending down is a challenge and I have to hoist myself from being seated, already. Within the last week or so, baby has really started rolling and moving (right when my doctor advised me to do kick counts three times a day, so I’m glad he’s active!) and I just suddenly feel quite physically pregnant.
Mentally I’m feeling pretty calm with an undercurrent of anxiety, as usual. My doctor threw me for a loop and told me there’s a chance I may get scheduled to give birth out of town depending on the genetics report that should be incoming soon, so that’s a bit scary to consider. And, I’m mired in my own VBAC or repeat C-section conundrum, which I’m also waiting on the genetics report to try to put to rest in my head. Basically, genetics is going to tell us what considerations and precautions have to be taken given my potential hemophilia carrier status, and we’ll go from there. Seeing that I only have three bi-weekly appointments before I go weekly also gave me a huge rush of anxiety when it happened! And, familiar refrain, I just want to be able to set up our bedrooms and do some organization and nesting to clear my head, so that’s another recurring thought.
For both Matt and I it’s been kind of weird to actually see this expansion to our family as a real thing — with M it was such a new, novel experience, and such a huge change, and we had all that spare time to sit and dream and think and imagine. This time… a few days ago I said “the kids’ rooms” and kind of stopped myself like whoa, kidsssss. Of course we love this baby just as much as we love M, and we are very excited for his arrival when it happens, but with so much of the prep already done from having had a baby three years ago — no frantic rush for clothes and crib and diapers — and so much of the experience being something my body already knows, it feels less like a huge life-altering change. Which is nice, in that I feel more relaxed about the transition, but also kind of scary itself because one day we’re going to wake up and there’s gonna be a newborn in our house.
The actual hurdles of the second trimester were pretty big — good NIPT results, finding out baby is a boy, hitting viability and making plans for how, exactly, this kid is going to make his entrance. The third trimester is going to be putting together the last pieces of everything, from hanging up clothes to determining where I’ll deliver, and if it goes as fast as the second trimester did, there’ll be a baby here in no time at all.